What Can Make Me Whole Again?

Do you ever read scripture throughout the week and think,"Yeah, Ok God, this is good. But I don't really feel like it pertains to me right now"? Well, if not then Im sorry. That's what happend tonight at Chi-Alpha. Jay spouted off some scripture and brought together ones that I read earlier this week. 2 Corinthians 5.17, Genesis 3. 6-10 and some scriptures that lead to others that I have skimmed, (Im not gonna lie- my time alone with God has been uncomfortable and I have a hard time being still before him. So saying that I have skimmed scripture is farely true).

In reading Captivating it has shown me some things that I never thought about. In Gen 3.6-10, Adam and Eve were affraid and fearful. They knew that they were naked and they had fear of God. So before they fell, they were not affraid and they had no fear. What if God wanted to restore that? To fear Him no more; to not be affraid of Him?

"For you did not receive a spirit of that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, Abba, Father" Romans 8.15-16

With Christ came resotration. We no longer have to walk in shame and fear. Christ knows what we have done, yet he still went to the cross. If anything shouldn't he be shameful? "I died on the cross to forgive everyone their sins, yet not very many have accepted me and what I did for them, Father. I shouldn't have done that. Now no one likes me." At least that is what shame is to me. Thank God that that's not what Jesus thought. This is just one thing that I have thought about this week.

"Not that I have obtained any of this or am perfected; but I press on that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also took hold of me..." I press on... forgetting what is in the past, I press on...
.. in Jesus Christ, in whom I have boldness and access with confidence through faith in Him (Eph 3.12)
"Therefore I ask that you do not lose heart at my tribulations for you.... that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with might through His Spirit in the inner man, that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend what is the width, length, depth and height- to know th Love of Christ which passes knowledge; that you may be filled with all the fullness of God" (Eph 3.13-19 give or take some).

Forgetting what is behind and pressing on toward our goal. Our goal: Love God and then Love people.

I still have a hard time thinking that God wants me to (a.) be filled with all his fullness, (b.) to know the Love of Christ which goes beyond any knowledge we can comprehend. Why would you want me to know that, God? Im just one little girl who has problems, I sin.

I struggle with shame and guilt (it's a life long issue) and still revert to that when I do something wrong. God is trying to get through to me that He knows, yet He still loves me. I don't understand. I am going to keep on hurting him. If he asks me to do something for him and I don't, how can he forgive me for blaitently denying him? I have been able to grasp some of it, but I still struggle with it. I tell myself each day that God loves me and is with me. Im not alone. He sees my sin, yet he is going to wash it away. "What can wash away my sins? Nothing but the blood of Jesus. What can make me whole again? Nothing but the blood of Jesus"
Again, it all goes back to... the process.

Wow, this kinda sounds dark. God has also done some amazing things this summer. I am dealing with struggles of everyday life, but yet God still uses me in other lives. It amazes me. He doesn't care. He just wants a willing heart. And that is something I have- even i the midst of the pain, trials, tribulations. That's what pressing on is about right? You push through the pain, and victory is on the other side.

Keeping it real, ya'll.