Faith increased through perseverence

So, now I have a little more access to the internet, so we will see how I can keep up with this.

Wow. A lot can happen in a month as well as a minute. Im sitting in a lovely coffee shop in Canal Park and I am enjoying a little Oswald Chambers and Sha'ul (Hebrew for Paul). ***I am going to try and use Hebrew names for people because it's fun.

May 1:
"I have to lead my life in faith, without seeing Him" 2 Corinthians 5.7
"For we live by trust and not what we see" is another translation.

Yesterday was a tough day. It was a day where my human weakness was making itself fully known. I like to believe that, Because I have a relationship with Yeshua(Jesus), that he owes it to me to speak to me when I call on him. There are also many times when I see that I have failed in my faith and am not worth it to go back and ask for forgiveness and then carry on where Yeshua and I left off. I have, in essence, demanded Adonai (Lord-God) to kiss me each day, to ask that he bless me each day and make it known to me. On top of that I ask that he do it my way in a way that is noticible to me. Over a period of time now, I am looking for Yeshua to do this and if he does not or I do not recognize it, then he either didn't hear me or I am not where I need to be to recognize it.

This is really totally not the way I need to think. I am reading a book called Unrelenting Prayer by Bob Sorge and there is a part where Sorge mentions that Adonai wants to bless us, but sometimes he holds himself back so that we would be prepared to enjoy the blessing and be able to give Him the best praise we could ever offer to him. Because that's what it's all about. To give him the honor and the praise for the works he has done, is doing and will do. I like to think about how when I am working super hard maybe outside or going for a long hike and ice cream sounds so good! So it's so much more enoyable after a hard days work. Whereas you sit on the couch all day and feel like crap and even though ice cream is tasty, it still makes me feel like Ive been sitting on the couch all day and I want to be outside, or something. You appriciate Him more when you have endured some trial, whether short or long.

Chambers hit me this morning- the Ruach Hakodesh (Holy Spirit) touched a sore spot within me.
If we try to reientroduce the rare moments of inspiration, it is a sign that it is not God we want. We are making a fetish of the moments when God did come and speak, and insisting that He must do it again; whereas, what God wants us to do is to "walk by faith."... God will give us touches of inspiration when He sees we are not in danger of being led away by them.

So, naturally, when I read this it reminded me of what Sorge was talking about. Adonai loves to reveal himself to us. Yesterday, I told Him that I wasn't leaving until he showed me something. I got up five minutes later because I needed to clean my bathroom before I left. I had other things on my mind. I wanted to spend time with him, but I also wanted to go and run some errands before I went to work. While running errands, I got exhausted and my sickness hit me. I had a conversation before I went to work that struck a nerve in me and while at work, I lasted but couldn't shake what we had talked about. Thoughts were bouncing off the walls in my head like a word shouted in a canyon. Even when I walked around Canal Park with another friend, I was weak and feeling sick and decided to head home for some sleep. I sat down and watched some TV (Friends and King of Queens) before small group. During small group I sat there thinking about the day, how I had to pee, I needed to blow my nose, and I wish I had the energy to interact with the group because it was a good topic. (it's interesting how even though I felt like crap, a beautiful blue-eyed girl named Sarai could put a smile on my face).
When small group was over, one of the leaders walked me to my car and asked if everything was ok. At first I tried to avert the Q, but I knew I needed to say what was bouncing off my head the whole day. And as I shared, I realized that Yeshua was with me all along. it was in my weakness that despiration was created. I didn't see it until I shared. So I thanked God for the day no matter how tired, sick, weak I felt. I was just glad that he met me in that time and I was able to be real before God and share what I was really feeling.

It was a good night and an eye-opening day. I am looking forward to sharing more of what He is doing.