This morning there was steam rising off the lake. It was so beautiful. I couldn't find a pic with steam coming off, so I figured this is where imagination could kick in.

I have realized that I don't write in my blog as often and I also have not been journaling as often either. Well, I have come to the conclusion from the help of my friend, that when God is expanding your heart as well as cleaning out rooms that we are ready for him to enter, it hurts. Who wants to write about pain? Who wants to write about the things that we have done and are embarrassed to confess? Who wants to write about things that show that we are not always "happy-go-lucky" sometimes we see ourselves covered from head to toe shameful?

I know many people in Duluth. I say hi to them at church, in the halls, at the mall. Sometimes we go out for a walk, coffee, a meal, play nintendo. but I can say that I have only let a handful of people inside my world. And even still, there are some of those that only know bits and pieces.
I have been realizing that I desire intamcy with friends. I see others help counsel each other, but yet I have been distant. Wanting, wishing to share life with them and also receiving from them their life experiences. But God has something else for me. Not that this desire is bad. He will provide in his time (This is an easy concept, but to truely believe it takes a great deal of faith for me) for me to share life with others, but for now I am accepting the time to receive.

What does that look like? Good question. I am being challanged with the thought : If I want to spend time with him, am I willing to give up all else for the persuit for him? This brings up my motives: Will me persuing him be to please him, or to trust him? Yes there is a diference.

Another incomplete thought. Love. It means so much yet has become perverted. I don't like to say it. I fumble the word when it comes out almost always wishing I didn't say it the second it leaves. If love means to trust, then I have a problem. I have started to be able to call God my Father despite the one who gave me my XY chromosomes. To tell God that I love him is a big deal and I am looking forward to the day when I can tell others I love them and not wish to take it back. To those few that know know me know that I love them, but I hope they are not offended if I never tell them.
Someday I will write more, but I am off to work.

Be Blessed, be loved, be lifted high,
be treasured here, be glorified
I owe my life to you my Lord,
Here I am
Knees to the earth