A Journey

Imagine...
Surrounded by tall, aged trees, specks of light surround the space you are in, but darkness is near by. Clothed in white with a glow about you, you walk down the stairs that were worn into the earth, there is a sense of grace, ellogance, beauty as you take each step. The way you enter into the next place on your journey does not matter, only the way you got there. The destinations do not matter but are only places that add to your grace, your beauty.

This is only part of what someone shared with me the other day. That God is pleased with the Journey I have ventured on. I have chosen to partner with God and say, "I don't know what's going on, but I will say yes to you. Whether the situation be good or bad, I will learn to trust you. You may not want the hardships to be in my life, but at the same time it is an oppertunity to reach out to you and ask you to help me." There have been some awesome things and some truely hurtful things happen in my life the past few months. Mostly in the hard times I first question if God is real and if I really do have a relationship with God or if this religion is whack. Then I am able to reflect on my life and look at the things that God has brought me through and where I would be if I did not trust him some how in the past.
After the moments of questioning, I say "Okay God, lets work through this. I am hurting right now, you are God and you are within me. You want good things for me. What do you want me to learn through this situation? How can I give you the glory and honor during this time? What do you want to show me? And how can I respond to you now?"(this isn't all at once).

At first I didn't know how to take the word that my friend shared with me. What? It's not about arriving at some point? What about accomplishments? What about...? I didn't quite get the whole Journey part. So I prayed and asked God to reveal what was going on through this picture. He showed me it was about me saying yes to him. It was about and is about me looking for his hand in the situation and holding on to his promises to get throught the muck and mire.

He is teaching me to really trust him. It is hard though. This was on Tuesday night and on Thursday night I just got clothes lined! Wednesday night God really showed me somethings that were great at a prayer meeting. Well, Thursday night I had to vocalize some things that hurt me more than the other person I was talking to. It hurt because they were only thoughts and I usually just stuffed them down and didn't do anything about it. But when I said them, a lot was exposed and I felt so raw and vulnerable. I couldn't believe what I really was feeling.

Over the weekend I just kept thinking about what was going on. I didn't understand how Sun-Wednesday were amazing. God and I were connecting in ways that I hadn't experinced in a while. He imparted me with an awesome gift, he spoke through me in small group and Chi-Alpha. I was thinkin' "man, this is great! It's me and the Big guy again. We're a team taking on the world again." It was like I was escalting the mountain ready to get to the top... and then the ground broke. Why so sudden?

Well, this morning at church I was praying and I don't know, it was like he was saying that "I am trying to expand my ground in you. You have this root that is black and dead and needs to be removed. Dead things are not good, only in the way. They have no use, so we are going to clear this out". This root will make room for more of God. If I desire more of him but feel like there is no room, he will find a way.

The Creator knows us inside and out. He knows where there is room. But man does this root hurt. He has promised that in the end all will be well. That's what the Journey is for. Situations may come and go. They add to the life I live and make it more beautiful as I trust in Him.

please dont leave me here the way I am...
All I want is a love that I've never had